Penning down my thoughts here.

I decided to post here, since there's a high possibilty that you won't be reading this so I can be frank.

Remember that evening?
You asked me if I was alright because I looked bothered.

I was not.

I pretty much told you the gist of it.
I wanted to tell you more but I'm afraid of burdening you.

See, the thing is. I was depressed because I was afraid of losing you guys.

It may seem like rubbish to you, but knowing myself, I know it's gonna happen.

I don't treat friends well. I am a shit friend. And unfortunately, I only realised it recently.

But back to the topic.

We were walking in a crowd.
You were talking to her. I was at the back, alone.
Maybe subconsciously, this was the period when I started disliking her as well.

The only other person I can carry a conversation with was talking to someone else.

I was alone. Looking at all of you guys talking to each other. While I was walking behind. Alone.


Nobody turned back.


That's when the thoughts started.

What if one day, you guys go on with your lives together, without me?

What if you guys were happier without me?

I really wanted a hug from you when we parted but I don't want to scare you. I respect your boundaries, so I didn't.

I should have just took a cab home because the trip home was so unpleasant.

Trying to hold my tears in for an hour.

And when I reached home I broke down.
It was horrible.

Thankfully it went away in a few hours, but that thought still lingers in my mind.

What if.