Penning down my thoughts here.

I decided to post here, since there's a high possibilty that you won't be reading this so I can be frank.

Remember that evening?
You asked me if I was alright because I looked bothered.

I was not.

I pretty much told you the gist of it.
I wanted to tell you more but I'm afraid of burdening you.

See, the thing is. I was depressed because I was afraid of losing you guys.

It may seem like rubbish to you, but knowing myself, I know it's gonna happen.

I don't treat friends well. I am a shit friend. And unfortunately, I only realised it recently.

But back to the topic.

We were walking in a crowd.
You were talking to her. I was at the back, alone.
Maybe subconsciously, this was the period when I started disliking her as well.

The only other person I can carry a conversation with was talking to someone else.

I was alone. Looking at all of you guys talking to each other. While I was walking behind. Alone.


Nobody turned back.


That's when the thoughts started.

What if one day, you guys go on with your lives together, without me?

What if you guys were happier without me?

I really wanted a hug from you when we parted but I don't want to scare you. I respect your boundaries, so I didn't.

I should have just took a cab home because the trip home was so unpleasant.

Trying to hold my tears in for an hour.

And when I reached home I broke down.
It was horrible.

Thankfully it went away in a few hours, but that thought still lingers in my mind.

What if.

Hello~

I don't really like blogging anymore... I feel that I *have* to blog in proper English or else people would judge me.
But I cannot. It's difficult to show my emotions through proper English.

I don't even know what to blog about. Release of O level results? Too late to regret not studying now. We cannot change the past. No use crying over spilt milk. No matter how bad my results may be, I still have to continue living my life.

Honestly though, I feel that I'm useless. I don't have a single thing that I'm good at. My clarinet playing skills suck. I cannot sing well. My art sucks, my photoshop skills suck, my photography skills suck. My Chinese sucks, my English is mediocre at best. I really don't have a thing that I'm good at, really. Waste of space = me.

I cannot find anything positive about myself.

:/

Around 3 more months to O levels.

4 more weeks to prelims.

And yet, what am I doing here?

I swear, I'm addicted to the computer. Seriously. I think I'll cry if my father throws my computer out. In my opinion, it's quite understandable to me why I am addicted to it.

You see, I started playing the computer when I was a kid, 7 years old to be exact. It's hard to get rid of a habit that I have for 8 going 9 years. After I reach home, most of the time I'll just start up the computer and do some other things.

This is also the reason why I don't do my homework. This is srs. At this rate, how am I suppose to start revision?!

I think the only way is to... stay away from the computer? If I do homework, I usually do it in school, or in the kitchen at night. I don't like doing homework in the kitchen because there's bugs and it's dark and I fear the birds would wake up so I don't do it often. Which also means I don't do my homework often as well :/ But it gets the work done :D So that's a way, I guess.

We has cyber bullies in this school.
Not me, but my friend.

Duudee. Childish like hell can. Putting your problems publicly online is seriously a very stupid and immature thing to do. That just cries for attention.

Can't post the uncensored one because I still have half a year in this school (hopefully)

She's back.

The meanings don't apply to me, but I love this song.

Bolding my... bias?

1. Siwon (Super Junior)
2. Donghae (Super Junior)
3. Kyuhyun (Super Junior)
4. Kibum (Super Junior)
5. Kangin (Super Junior)
6. Leeteuk (Super Junior)
7. Eunhyuk (Super Junior)
8. Ryeowook (Super Junior)
9. Sungmin (Super Junior)
10. Han Geng (Super Junior)
11. Heechul (Super Junior)
12. Shindong (Super Junior)
13. Yesung (Super Junior)
14. Zhou Mi (Super Junior)
15. Henry Lau (Super Junior)

16. G-Dragon (BigBang)
17. TOP (BigBang)
18. Daesung (BigBang)
19. Taeyang (BigBang)
20. Seungri (BigBang)

21. Jaebeom (2PM)
22. Nichkhun (2PM)
23. Taecyeon(2PM)
24. Wooyoung (2PM)
25. Junsu (2PM)
26. Junho (2PM)
27. Chansung (2PM)

28. Max Changmin (TVXQ)
29. Xiah Junsu (TVXQ)
30.Micky Yoochun (TVXQ)
31. U-Know Yunho (TVXQ)
32. Hero Jaejoong (TVXQ)

33. Joon (MBLAQ)
34. Seungho (MBLAQ)
35. G.O (MBLAQ)
36. Mir (MBLAQ)
37. CheonDoong/Thunder (MBLAQ)

38. DongWoon (BEAST)
39. Yoseob (BEAST)
40. JunHyung (BEAST)
41. HyunSeung (BEAST)
42. DooJoon (BEAST)
43. GiKwang/AJ (BEAST)

44. Hongki (FTI)
45. Jonghun (FTI)
46. Minhwan (FTI)
47. Jaejin (FTI)
48. Seunghyun (FTI)

49. Lee Seunggi
50. Lee Minho
52. Kim Bum

53. Taemin (SHINee)
54. Jonghyun (SHINee)
55. Minho (SHINee)
56. Onew (SHINee)
57. Key (SHINee)

58. HyunJoong (SS501)
59. YoungSaeng (SS501)
60. JungMin (SS501)
61. KyuJong (SS501)
62. HyungJoon (SS501)

63. Song Joong Ki
64. Jang Geun Suk

65. LeeU (F.Cuz)
66. Jinon (F.Cuz)
67. Yejun (F.Cuz)
68. Kan (F.Cuz)

69. Wonbin (ex- FT Island)

70. ChangHyun (SHU-I)
71. MinHo (SHU-I)
72. Inseok (SHU-I)
73. HyunJoong (SHU-I)
74. Jinseok (SHU-I)

75. Ha MinWoo (ZE:A)
76. Hwang KwangHee (ZE:A)
77. Jung HeeChul (ZE:A)
78. Moon JunYoung (ZE:A)
79. Park HyungShik (ZE:A)
80. Im SiWan (ZE:A)
81. Kim TaeHun (ZE:A)
82. Kim DongJun (ZE:A)
83. Kevin Kim (ZE:A)

84. Shin SooHyun (U-KISS)
85. Alexander (U-KISS)
86. Kim Kibum (U-KISS)
87. Eli (U-KISS)
88. Lee KiSeop (U-KISS)
89. Kevin Woo (U-KISS)
90. Shin DongHo (U-KISS)

91. Bi Rain

92. Changmin (2AM)
93. Jinwoon (2AM)
94. Seulong (2AM)
95. Jokwon (2AM)

96. CL (2NE1)
97. Minzy (2NE1)
98. Bom (2NE1)
99. Dara (2NE1)

100. Taeyeon (SNSD)
101. Sooyoung (SNSD)
102. Seohyun (SNSD)
103. Tiffany (SNSD)
104. Hyoyeon (SNSD)
105. Jessica (SNSD)
106. Sunny (SNSD)
107. Yuri (SNSD)
108. Yoona (SNSD)

109. Yonghwa (CN Blue)
110. Jungshin (CN Blue)
111. Jonghyun (CN Blue)
112. Minhyuk (CN Blue)

113. Kim Ah-Joong

114. Park Gahee (After School)
115. UEE (After School)
116. Bekah (After School)
117. Kim Jung-ah (After School)
118. Lee Jooyeon (After School)
119. Yoo Soyoung (ex-After School)
120. Raina (After School)
121. Nana (After School)
122. Lizzy (After School)

123. Park Gyuri (KARA)
124. Han Seungyeon (KARA)
125. Nicole (KARA)
126. Goo Hara (KARA)
127. Kang Jiyoung (KARA)

128. So Hee (Wondergirls)
129. Sun Ye (Wondergirls)
130. Sun Mi (ex-Wondergirls)
131. Ye Eun (Wondergirls)
132. YooBin (Wondergirls)
133. Eunjung (T-ara)
134. Hyomin (T-ara)
135. Ji-Yeon (T-ara)
136. Soyeon (T-ara)
137. Boram (T-ara)
138. Q-ri (T-ara)

139. Victoria (f(x))
140. Amber (f(x))
141. Luna (f(x))
142. Sulli (f(x))
143. Krystal (f(x))

144. Mika(D-NA)
145. Hyunmin(D-NA)
146. Karam(D-NA)
147. Injoon(D-NA)
148. Jay(D-NA)

149.Jihyun(4Minute)
150.Hyunah(4Minute)
151.Gayoon(4Minute)
152.Jiyoon(4Minute)
153.Sohyun(4Minute)

154. Woohyun (Infinite)
155. Myungsoo / L (Infinite)
156. Dongwoo (Infinite)
157. Sungyeol (Infinite)
158. Hoya (Infinite)
159. Sungjung (Infinite)
160. Sunggyu (Infinite)

161. Lee Hyori

162. JeA (Brown Eyed Girls)
163. Narsha (Brown Eyed Girls)
164. Miryo (Brown Eyed Girls)
165. Ga In (Brown Eyed Girls)

166. Park Jungah (Jewelry)
167. Seo In Young (Jewelry)
168. Kim Eun Jung (Jewelry)
169. Ha Joo Yeon (Jewelry)

I have a livejournal, tumblr, twitter and blogspot.

I use twitter the most, followed by lj, tumblr then blogspot.

My blogspot has nothing important on it HAHA.

Currently craving for Chacott's loose powder, comes in 30g and a whopping 170g. According to reviews, it absorbs oil quite good. Chacott's cosmetics are for stage make up or dancers, so that's what they're supposed to do... I guess. It's supposedly waterproof as well :o

But I still have a lot of my Anna Sui powder... I barely touch it actually OTL. According to reviews again, it's a very good product. But it's soo expensive. Mine's $65. Compared to Chacott, being sold on a blogshop, is $38.90 for the 170g and $28.90 for the 30g!

Plus plus! Chacott comes with a screw cap cover! Which my AS does not D:<>

Chacott seems to be better than Candy doll, and also much cheaper :3 But then again, it doesn't come with a puff, which also means I have to get a brush if I get it.

And I read one review, which said that the AS took her 2 years to finish, despite using it MORE THAN ONCE EVERYDAY. My gosh.

The hell, I'll ask my father if I should then. AS for home, Chacott for travelling? Maybe?